Saturday, November 10, 2007

Ruht-roh: Merrill Lynch and Citi don't have succession plans

and CEOs are being fired faster than you can say subprime fiasco. So, anyway, they're thrashing around down in the mailroom trying to find a guy with good hair.

Did I say I'd have to wait for global warming to flood New York for Minneapolis to become the financial center of the world? Naw, these guys are sinking themselves.

Anyway, Judy thought it would be fun to start an office pool to choose new CEOs for these beleaguered firms. The positions are wiiiide open. You bet, this is more fun than the high school hockey tournament bets, and these pools are the traditional way we redistribute the wealth here at the Piper offices.

Judy's Pool rules:

A) the candidate must be available to immediately occupy the position, and
B) the candidate must be AT LEAST as competent as the exiting leadership.
So far the best pick is Alex Rodriguez to replace Chuck Prince. He's a free agent, and Citigroup can match his salary demands at the same rate they were compensating Prince (about $30 million a year which includes stock options). He's a proven performer (over .300 batting average, which has gotta be better than the guessing that most CEOs do), already a good team player, and not many people can hit a major league fast ball -- so that makes him a quick thinker with a good eye for detail. Citigroup hasn't made big inroads in the hispanic market, and this should definitely help. AND he's passed the drug tests.

The favorite pick for Merrill Lynch is Britney Spears. Admittedly this is an odd pick to me, but she has massive media relations experience, is a veteran of crisis management (shaved head, custody battles), has already been through rehab, has the well-documented spending habits of a CEO, lives her life with complete transparency, and is generally known as the "comeback queen".

Anyway, I'm wavering on the Britney pick. Other suggestions from Munster Nation?


Anonymous said...

"I'm wavering on the Britney pick"

I'm wavering on that Britney pic.

Hager and Taleb Investing said...

Keep it up FGM!

With more fun like this, you will be the Apple of my I!

And I will no longer favor FSJ over you, my sweetie!

You are so cute!

Anonymous said...

The CEO pool beats the football pool!! My uncle's poker club can play better than the Vikings did yesterday.

Anonymous said...

Britney should be at Citi because she'd fit into the mile high jet club they have going over there.